Long shrouded in secrecy, our society has become much more willing to talk about sexual abuse and sexual assaults in recent years. Moreover, activists have made laudable progress in their work to debunk some of the most vile myths associated with sexual violence.
Yet some sexual abuse and sexual assault stereotypes remain stubbornly entrenched in the minds of many people - thanks in no small part to how they are depicted in popular culture. In this blog post, I examine a type of sexual violence in which gendered stereotypes influence the way some people see the actions of predators and their victims.
Although women are significantly less likely than men to be sexual predators, they are not a rarity either. In my own practice, I have noticed a growing number of cases involving women who are alleged to have had inappropriate and unlawful contact with children and youth. This type of abusive relationship frequently involves women in teaching or coaching positions who identify and groom young people - particularly young men - in their care.
Astonishingly, cultural norms sometimes cause people to conclude that this type of abuse is less harmful than if the gender roles were reversed. That is anything but the case.
Popular Culture Depictions.
Popular culture can reflect the society from which it came. But sometimes that reflection appears to be coming from a funhouse mirror that distorts reality.
When it comes to depictions of sexual relationships between women teachers and male students, what we've seen in the last few decades frequently does a disservice to survivors of sexual violence.
In the late 1990s, the widely discussed pilot episode of Dawson's Creek featured a storyline involving a 15-year-old male student named Pacey pursuing a sexual relationship with his 36-year-old English teacher. Initially resisting his advances, when Pacey declares "I'm the best sex you'll never have," the teacher responds: "You're wrong about one thing, Pacey. You're not a boy."
Of course, at age 15, the character was a boy. Dawson's Creek writers aimed to depict the relationship "with a mainly romantic tone, with viewers seemingly supposed to root for the unlikely pairing."
But far from being a consenting participant, in law a person Pacey's age cannot consent to sexual contact with an adult (let alone an adult in a position of power and influence over him). Even more contemporary examples, such as the relationship depicted between Archie Andrews and his teacher Miss Grundy in Riverdale, have not fully dispensed with tropes which seem to glamourize rape and present an "illegal relationship as alluring and intoxicating."
Although these and other similar storylines on TV, in films, and in books tend to generate criticism, a significant segment of the population do not seem to consider this type of sexual contact as problematic at all.
For example, when Toronto librarian Eva Jurczyk summarized Alissa Nutting's controversial novel Tampa for her "usually reasonable" husband, his response indicated he had trouble believing that teenaged boys could be victimized by adult women.
In Tampa, a 26-year-old Grade 8 teacher preys on her fourteen-year-old students. But in hearing this, Jurcyk's husband snorted "that's not rape," because "every teenaged boy dreams of sleeping with a teacher." When she retorted that "every teenaged girl dreams of sleeping with a teacher," he expressed concern: "Obviously that's wrong. You can't allow teachers to exploit young girls like that."
Gendered Expectations.
Why is it that some people consider sexual contact between adult teachers and teenaged (or younger) students to be more exploitative if the student is female than if the student is a male?
Undoubtedly, longstanding gendered stereotypes are at play here. It's assumed that boys who have reached puberty are more overt in expressing their sexuality than girls of the same age. And, while sexually active teenage boys may be either lauded for their prowess or excused for letting their hormones get the better of them, teenage girls who choose to engage in sexual activity are more likely to be at risk of gaining a negative reputation.
Whereas an adult male teacher making sexual contact with a female student is - rightly - considered abusive by most people, if the student is male and the teacher is female, a disappointing number of people may think it's "not so bad," or that it's "something he obviously wants."
Of course, this is not true. Anyone who is unwilling and/or unable to give consent to sexual contact is a victim of abuse or assault. And the effects of this sexual violence are unfathomable.
A Growing Concern.
In recent years I have seen a notable increase in cases involving adult women targeting young men. What's driving this increase is unclear; however, I suspect it is a combination of the growth of new technology which facilitates private communications between predators and their victims, and increased reporting by concerned adults who have become more knowledgeable about signs suggesting possible abuse.
First, the rise in cellphone use and social media provide predators with a means to contact their targets privately. Unlike in-person contact or even phone calls, texts or emails which could contain explicit messages or images are less likely to be noticed or raise suspicion - especially if the young person is savvy enough to conceal or delete them before parents or guardians can review online activity.
This type of communication allows a predator relatively unfettered access to their target and allows them ample opportunity to groom them into participating in inappropriate sexual contact. A victim who sends compromising photos or messages may also be reluctant to report what has happened if there may be a record of embarrassing material exchanged.
Despite these new technological challenges, the growing public awareness of the extent of sexual abuse and sexual assaults has also helped concerned adults become more aware of potential signs of abuse and more likely to establish ways to monitor a young person's online activities.
Among the cases I've recently handled, the person suffering from the abuse is rarely the one who has come forward to report it. This is still a crime of silence, and young men are frequently concerned they will look weak if they report.
Often it is the parents or other concerned adults who have recognized a potential problem. In one case, a boy's sports coach overheard his teammates discussing his sexual relationship with a woman teacher. In another case, a boy's grandparents identified inappropriate contact between their grandson and a teacher.
In that latter case, the teacher's defence was that the boy was the "sexual aggressor." Leaving aside the obvious power imbalance, this type of defence also plays to gendered expectations of who 'ought to be' the victim when abuse or assaults involve members of the opposite sex.
In general, women are the sexual predators that no one suspects. They are seen to be nurturing and empathetic, and their unusual interest in young men (as students or players on a sports team) can often be dismissed as simply caring for the youth's wellbeing.
Many good teachers and coaches do make an effort to help and guide these young people in ways that appropriately foster personal growth. It's unfair that they may come under suspicion for predatory behaviour, but by maintaining strong professional boundaries they can ensure adults engaging in potentially inappropriate behaviour are noticed and scrutinized.
Concerning Signs and Proactive Strategies.
While sexual abuse is often concealed, there are warning signs that could indicate inappropriate relationships:
- No teacher should be texting or otherwise privately messaging a student.
- While coaches may send group texts or messages about practices or games, private messaging should also be off limits.
- Teachers or coaches who 'follow' their students or players on public social media accounts may not have nefarious intentions. However, parents or guardians should monitor whether these apps permit private messaging and whether these adults are interacting with public posts with unusual frequency.
- Changes in behaviour, including increasingly sexualized talk, spending extended periods of time in private spaces, or hiding screens from adults can be an indication of inappropriate activity.
Young people - particularly teenagers - crave independence as they mature and maintaining their own privacy is increasingly important. But parents or guardians must build scaffolding that promotes safe growth. By establishing rules for technology and working with children at an early age to explain why safety measures are needed for phone and computer use, they can develop a strong relationship based on mutual respect and trust.
If you or someone you love is a victim of teacher sexual abuse or assault, our team of trauma-informed Toronto sexual abuse lawyers are here to help. We will listen to you with compassion and empathy and your initial meeting with us is always a confidential free consultation with no obligation.